As I sit here right now with my legs crossed and a belly almost touching the keyboard tray, I can’t help but wonder and be excited for this new addition that is growing inside of me. I’m almost at the half way baking mark, and it hits me that in another 20 or so weeks my world is going to be rocked to the core. I’ll have a sweet newborn to cuddle in my arms, constant feedings and diaper changes and lets not forget about the night time parenting and the unavoidable sleep deprivation.
But as I sit here and think about what life will be like this fall, I can’t help but also mourn what I will be losing. Being a mom to one.
At 2 years and 3 months old, this little guy is my buddy. We go everywhere together and no matter if it’s a quick trip to the gas station or a walk to the park, he makes it fun. Even on our most boring of days, he is happy and excited to read the same book over and over and play the same games again and again. Life is exciting to him and the smallest of things will bring a smile to his face. If that’s an airplane flying across the sky or an ant making his way across the sidewalk each of these little moments brings BabyBird such joy.
It is in these little moments that I cherish and hope to be able to relive again when I have a new baby in my arms. These are the moments that makes my heart ache knowing that he won’t be the center of my world and have my full undivided attention. I will have to learn and adjust (and so will he) on what our ordinary days will be like. So as the days start to get warmer and warmer and we venture out on hikes, trips to the farm and the zoo I can’t help but take a moment during our day trips to stop and wonder if this will be the last time.
Will this be the last time we take a walk to the park, just the two of us?
Will he know that this will be the last time he gets to do these things with just mommy?
Then I pause and imagine the two of them playing together, fighting over the same toys, rough housing in the living room and the inevitable tears that will follow. I picture two sets of little feet at the dinner table, and in the bathtub each night getting scrubbed clean and two sleepy kids getting tucked in each night. This fills my heart, even though I will no longer be a mom to one.