Changes

Fall came and went quickly. We enjoyed about 2 weeks of beautiful Colorado fall weather before an early snow storm hit a few days before Halloween. Just as the leaves changes colors and begin to fall from their branches, I’ve been thinking of making some changes.

My heart has been torn these last few months with our current work/life situation and each day that I get up the morning and kiss you goodbye, my heart aches as I drive off to work. Once there, I keep myself busy from one task to another and remain busy throughout the entire day, and watch the clock as it hits 4:59 and pack up my bags as quickly as I can to pick you up from daycare. I know you are well taken care of at school and the teachers adore and tend to your needs. But it’s not me. I review your daily report and justify to myself that I didn’t miss a lot that day, but I know deep down that it was 6-8 hours apart. We get home, unwind, play and I prepare your dinner and we laugh and sing goofy songs while you nom away. Then I take a few moments to feed myself, relax and then bath and bedtime routine starts with Daddy. You love your routine and you thrive on knowing what comes next each night. After bath with Daddy, we get you dressed and I get to snuggle with you for a few moments before you drift off to sleep each night.

No one every said that being a working mom was easy. There are the advantages, and disadvantages. I like my job and the new role and position that was created over a year ago. I’m good at it, it’s challenging and exciting most days. And it pays good. But it means that I am missing out on these precious months with you while you are still small and wear footed pajamas to bed. After a lot of thought over the course of one week, we decided to make a change. To start working part-time which means I will have to give up a portion of my job responsibilities but I would gain 2 extra days with you. Just the two of us.

The decision tugged at my heart. I wanted it all. I wanted the full-time job, career and paycheck. I wanted more time with you, to cherish this time while you are still a baby because it goes by too quickly. I wanted to be able to take you to play groups during the week, to take you swimming, to music groups. I wanted to be the face you saw when you woke up from your naps, my hand guiding the spoon to your mouth and be the one making you giggle and laugh. I wanted it all. I asked for advice and thoughts from 8-10 other moms in various situations and each and everyone said to trust my gut and that I knew what was the right decision for me and my family. And they were right. The one line that embodied what I was feeling was “there are a ton of people who can do my job (she was a nurse), but I am the only person who is my son’s mother”.

I could not have said it better myself.

  • http://embracingthecraziness.blogspot.com/ Kelly

    Here from SUYL. Such a cute baby!!