“Is this thing symmetrical or does it have a front & back?” Daddy looking at the BabyBird but talking about the SnuggleMe pillow.


“Mmmmm…. now made with breastmilk” Daddy looking at a Domino’s ad about chicken wings. (He meant to say, now made with breast meat)


“Stop, your making my ass hurt” MommaBird a few days post-delivery and meant to say abs.


“I should tell them that your pregnant, so they don’t just think your fat” Daddy before going to out to Happy Hour with co-workers


“So I know a baby eats every 2 hours… so what do you do in the meantime?” Daddy asking while at dinner when MommaBird was 30+ weeks pregnant


“My boob is bigger than my child’s head!” MommaBird, after my “milk” came in


“Why did you send me an invite to your dentist appointment?” asked Daddy

“So you know what day to take off” replied MommaBird

“… Oh yeah, we have a kid” replied Daddy